Upon becoming a mother I found myself quickly swept into a speedy current moving up a steep learning curve. Even thinking about it now makes my eyes blur a bit. The mental energy needed to time feedings, changings, brain development facts, medicine dosings at various weights, the order in which certain foods are introduced into one's diet at which age, car seat installation, playdates, no dates, vacation packing, etc. etc...has taken my brain hostage. My friends and I joke about losing our Trivial Pursuit Prowess. Another friend of mine even wrote a blog entitled, "I miss being smart." My sentiments exactly. That is if I ever was smart. I honestly can't really remember much about life without children (insert wink and smile). So for me smart is really a moot* point. Quite frankly, I just count it a victory when I can write sentences using words like "moot*." Or remember my zip code correctly. Or if I like green bean casserole.
I do remember it as a "kinder, gentler time..." Don't you? My heart will now and forever be detached from my body, unprotected as it follows my children through life. Their struggles will also be mine. In a way, everything will only multiplied by the number of children I have. The good and the not so good. That's heavy. But heavy isn't necessarily bad. In fact, the nature of it being heavy makes it good.
I still remember during the first week Julianna was born coming to the stark realization that she was here to stay. Yep. She wasn't going anywhere. That she was completely and totally my responsibility. That all of my actions somehow impacted her world. As well as the opposite. Wild. I know. I also realized that if I didn't sleep when she did I wasn't going to sleep.
If having kids doesn't change a person I don't know what does. I feel so totally different today than three years ago. My life and my mind and my being have gone through so much stretching. Just this little thing of becoming a mother. And even though I feel like I've figured out alot there's so much more to come. Like the other day I was watching a parenting video on discipline and they addressed topics regarding kids throwing tantrums in the middle of the store, using profanity, sneaking out of the house, bullying, gossip...it might sound funny but my mind had actually not yet reached those topics and it was little bit of a "whoa" moment. Yeah. Whoa.
There are so many unknowns right now. So much of a story yet to be written. But what I do know is this. I was meant to be a mom. I am a good mom. Some days I'm even great. I work hard every day. I love my children. I love my husband. I make sure they know it because I tell them and because I show them. I make mistakes but I make more things right. I am thankful for my blessings and am trying to learn to be thankful for my trials, too. I try to live an honorable life. Not because I want to be better than anyone else. But because I want to honor God. And out of a grateful heart I want to live out my thanks. : )
**moot: is a word that means obsolete. And, sometimes when moms are blogging late at night they accidentally spell words wrong (i.e., "mute" for "moot"). Then, when they are laying in bed they realize they spelled the word wrong and laugh hysterically to themselves to the point of tears. Then they edit their blog. Was the victory won or lost? You be the judge. Nadine, I miss being average. ; )
