Processing the Distance

I realized something today. I haven't let myself think about the sadness of moving. Even during the process of saying goodbye to everyone, I didn't really let myself feel sad. But, it really hit me this morning as I was standing in the church sanctuary.

I had just said goodbye to Jules and Ava. I handed them over to complete strangers. Boy did I underestimate how hard that was going to be. Julianna clung to me and said she didn't want to stay. I said to the woman, "We've never left her with anyone we didn't know." I came very, very close to bursting into tears. However, I looked at Julianna who had started to cry and decided that wasn't going to help. So, I scooped her up, gave her big hugs and kisses, smiled and said, "See you soon sweetie!" Chad and I walked up to the sanctuary and took our normal seats on the back left side. Except, they weren't our seats. They weren't our seats because I couldn't see Nikki, Jamie, Lainey, Seth and the youth right in front of us, or the Peppers a couple rows behind, or Ron and Cindy up front and center. I looked around and I didn't know anyone. And no one knew me. No one knew my kids or our family or stories about Chad growing up. Brother Jess wasn't coming over to talk Chad's ear off and neither was Mark. There wasn't a potluck dinner that I'd forgotten to cook something for (again) kicking-off after church. I couldn't turn around and see Janice Robinson looking like...well, like Janice Robinson. : )

The band warmed up and we started to sing "How Great is Our God...Sing with Me...How great is Our God..." I thought about how Nikki always lifts her hands when she sings that song...and I thought about how beautifully Kimberlee and Antaun harmonize together. Seth being the first one down to the nursery to pick up the girls. Jamie joking with the youth and swinging Julianna around. How Cindy would always ask us over for Sunday dinner (and I always secretly hoped it was roast beef with carrots and onions). Ron's home town metaphors and nicknames for the girls. And, well...I just suddenly missed everything. A lot. I looked up and tried to balance the tears that were forming in the wells of my eyes with every hope of keeping them from falling down my cheeks. I fanned myself. I fanned faster. Finally, out of desperation, I repeated those famous lines to myself over and over and over..." Birdcages, birdcages, birdcages...." (I once told Kimberlee to do this to keep her from crying at a wedding) The funny thing was...it worked. : )

I made it through the service. So did the girls. Julianna actually went running back into the toddler room for more fun while we were trying to negotiate an Ava hand-off after the service.

So it goes. So is life. I'm glad I was able to relax a bit to feel it and relax a little more to write it. It will get easier. And soon we'll know this congregation of believers, too. They won't take anyones' place. But they will be our church family. And soon we'll know who to call for a cobbler recipe, who to have play-dates with, and who will stop to chat awhile long after the sermon is over.

Sweet Ava

Ava sweet. Sweet Ava. Cooing. Singing. Laughing. My favorite time of the day is about 7:20 am. I hear Ava calling out for some morning snuggles. I quickly jump out of bed, scurry into her room and scoop her up. We retreat back to my room for a little cafe au lait and lots of cuddles. It's the best. It's one of my favorite memories of Julianna's first year, too. Just the two of us in those gentle hours. Sometimes we fall back asleep for a bit. Other times we get up and surprise Julianna. Jules is ALWAYS happy to see Ava. "It morning time Ava? Oh. Hi!" And Ava greets big sis' with birthday-present-opening enthusiasm every time.

Ava's been working on a lot of new stuff. Two new teeth. And two more wing men on deck. Sweet potatoes, oatmeal, pears, squash, and apples. GI Jane crawling. Cancel that. Marine Jane Wayne style crawling. Inspecting all the nooks and crannies of well...everything. Grabbing. Holding. Throwing. Rolling. And rolling some more. Puckering. Fit Throwing. (She's gotten excellent at this, see below.) We've had one sighting on all fours. Ava's decided she's done being that kid who sits and observes. Julianna has made life look far too interesting and she wants in. As a result, she doesn't particularly like watching me cook the spaghetti sauce from her swing in the middle of the kitchen. Nope. How's a girl gonna learn to cook if she's not right up there? And, how's a girl maybe gonna get a taste if she is ALL THE WAY over in the middle of the kitchen. AND, how's girl gonna make sure no one leaves, not even for one minute, to go into the other room and ...check email real quick, look up a recipe, change the wash, use the bathroom, ....if that girl isn't right with her mom? The answer is easy. Mom should just carry said little girl around all day. : ) Problem solved. Next.

Ava has definitely undergone some changes. We can see her forming some opinions of her own already. Which, actually is kind of fun. She was so laid back and easy-going for so long. I might have begun to worry if she didn't display a little more strength in her personality. But she has. : ) Plus, when your kid becomes easy you start drifting into that "I must be a perfect parent" syndrome. This is highly dangerous. In fact, I'm glad that I had Jules first (hee) because I might have started to think I just had this parenting thing down within a week. Of course, the inevitable slap in the face does happen at some point to us all. Which, as I pointed out several sentences ago, is for the best. : )

My Julianna Sunshine

Julianna remains such a vibrant, inquisitive, tender little soul. She asks so many questions during the day...who's that, what's that about, why is that, where is that...are you happy, are you sad, is he laughing or crying... She speculates. She guesses. She analyzes. Oh how she analyzes. She's independent. "I want to do it myself. I want to walk, not ride in the cart. I want to pour it. I want to hold it. I want to put the socks and shoes on myself. I want to write on it. I want to..." She has started to turn off lights or the tv when she leaves the room. Put her clothes in the hamper. Take her dishes to the sink, say thank you for the food, and askes to be excused. She's a negotiator. "How about a milkshake? Just a little bit. Just a small bit in a small cup. How about now, please? How about I climb up to the table and we make a milkshake...just a little one. Hmm? Pwease? Wouldn't that be so nice?" (add a sweet smile and tilt of the head) She's a diplomat. "Guys! Dat's enough. Come on now. No yelling. Just settle down a bit. K?" (We actually weren't yelling. Chad was teasing me and I was emphatically defending my case. : ) But, we did acquiesce and promise to keep it down a bit ; ) She's got my number. Just before she's going to time out or receive some other sort of discipline, she says (in an extremely heartfelt manner), "Sorry mom, I'n sorry. I no do it anymore. Sorry. I give you a hug. Come here." To be honest, most of the time it is heartfelt and sincere and she stops. But, not always. : )

Really, Julianna's personality has been the same from day one. But, there has been one big change. For the past five months Julianna has become VERY cautious. Last summer she exhausted herself jumping into the pool under the Texas sun. This year. No jumping in. I couldn't even get her (for two hours) in the pool, let alone dip the tip of her toe in. Finally, after much mild coaxing she agreed to sit in an inflatable boat on the side of the pool. She then proceeded to bunker herself into the boat with various other floatation devices. An inner tube. Three floaties. Two noodles. Two rafts. And several large balls. Other children are throwing themselves into the water, drinking gulps of water, splashing, climbing...begging for more time in the water. Daily, Julianna asks if something is scary ("carry"). Let's go for a walk Jules. "Okay, it not be carry?" The slide at the playground? No thanks. Jump on the trampoline? Clings to me for dear life and practically crawls up onto my shoulder. Is this my Julianna? You see, I totally had her pegged as a dare devil. A limit-pusher. But, instead what I see (for the first time) is a little bit of myself. A girl that is more shy than not. A girl that is going to weigh the decision probably more than once. A girl that will need some encouragement to let go and leap. But, who will also need to be let to wait on the side until she's ready even when it's hard to just wait. Even when waiting doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me. So that's the chapter in the book of life I've been reading these past few months. I want Julianna to trust herself, her inner voice, her conscience. And for now, I think the best way to help nuture that is to let her make her own decision about when to try, when to trust, and when to jump. And...I'm good with that.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Thumb-sucking pose for the photographer

There's my girl!

Super-yummy rice cereal

You made me wait six months for two Tablespoons!?

Is this thing supposed to be cute?

Carrying off that big bow in style!

Little L

She's crying because I stopped pushing to take the picture. Yup.

Kisses for Courtney ("Cordy")

Swimming in the hippo with Grandma

Yum! My "pocksible"

Pretty Ava

First Haircut

Coloring with Great-Grandma


Horsn' Around With Maddie




Live at the Greek...it's Elton John!

Our beautiful peonies on the prairie

Cuddling with Uncle Seth

Mormor & Sweetheart

Doesn't he totally look like he's smiling?

Roar

Daddy and Jules

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah

OR AKA

Julianna working on potty-training in her Little Mermaid undies while making soup

First Pedicure

"Ms. Thang," I couldn't have said it better.

Yeah! Double Jogger!

We've Missed You

Whew. It's been a long vacation from blogging. But many states, boxes, kids'-sing-a-long cds and hotel rooms later...we're here. Whew. I'll say it again...whew.


We had a tearful good-bye with Chad's family a week ago. It's always hard to leave, isn't it? Web cams aren't the same as 7 minutes in the car across town. We feel their absence and miss them dearly. Yet, we are excited about this new opportunity and adventure.

We've had just under week here in our new digs. We've had about a thousand things to cram in before Chad heads back to work on Monday. And, for the most part we've accomplished our list. We love our cute little neighborhood and rental home. Chad did an awesome job finding the place! So for the next six months this place will be home as we look to buy. Actually, we've found a neighborhood we totally love. We just need to sell the fillings in our teeth first. Until then. We'll have a grand time driving through neighborhoods collecting info sheets.